It has been soooo long

I doubt anybody even reads this anymore. it's been an interesting time in my life. I think that what is going to happen is that there is going to be a new beginning. a new blog of sorts. apparently one that doesn't even use capitals. haha. okay...so stay tuned. perhaps in a week or so this will happen.

The Ol' Referrer Log

I haven't done this in awhile. But it's always interesting to check how people got to this web page from search engines. Let me tell you...there is a lot of interest in Jenna Jamison and porn in general. A lot. But here are some of the more interesting search terms.

bosses fuckin prostitutes
death metal chicks nude
pictures of porn stars taking shits
nude photos of Donnie Wahlberg
I want to fuck 50 Cent
nashville foot fetish
so many animal calls
kids it's okay to masturbate
ted nugent birthday date
amazing video metro video expo dedham ma
indier than you shirt
chan marshall's nude picture
kids in speedos
hilarious Mexican border patrol pictures
foot fetish Jersey City
free porn power point slide shows
new york street blowjobs
nude Ricky Davis photos
ted nugent's underage girlfriend
guess who hates america
relaxing duct tape bondage
funny negotiation clips
homes for whores New Jersey
pimps fuckin hookers
airheads bulk candy
pictures of waitresses in nolita
pictures of Bacon Cheeseburger
I should like to have the handcuffing of you

Aahhh...our friends and neighbors and their habits. All of this only in the last month.

Fun With Verizon

So as I noted earlier, I decided to get Verizon DSL. Well when they were installing it they decided to knock out my phone line for the last...oh continuing on 24 hours right now. I've called them about three times now on my cell phone or at work and besides getting put on hold for 20-30 minutes one time by one representative who needed to talk to his "mentor", I chatted with one gentleman who wanted to know if the DSL line I was calling about was 917-XXX-XXXX...or what is universally known in NYC as a cell phone number. The second person I talked to said, can we reach you at 718-XXX-XXXX to which I replied (after already telling him I had a problem with my phone) "You could if I had a dial tone."

So now I have to possibly wait until 6pm tomorrow by which I have not had phone service for two days while they try to set up DSL. This inspires me to tell them about my other girlfriend called Sprint which keeps bugging me to let them take over my local service.

Weddings

This past weekend I went to a wedding of one of my best friends. He became a born-again Christian late in college. Before that he was Greek Orthodox. Anyway, it was a nice wedding, I guess. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that I've "liked." From an objective point of view then, it was a nice wedding...meaning other people seemed to really like it.

My own hatred of weddings really discourages me from engaging in one of my own. A traditional wedding seems to encapsulate a good segment of things I hate. Like:

1. Really Really Bad Music.

For example, hits such as "Sweet Caroline," "Paradise By The Dashboard (Confessional) Light," "Y.M.C.A.," "Celebration," "Brown-Eyed Girl," (granted a good song ruined by being overplayed), etc...etc. There were a few curveballs at this one such as Eminem's "Without Me." Although I had yet to get over the fact that I had seen a bunch of conservative Christians getting down to a song about whether or not a teenage couple was going to have pre-marital sex in a car ("Paradise..."), it really made me howl to see them getting down to the line "Chris Kirkpatrick you can get your ass kicked." There was also a back to back block of Young M.C.'s "Bust A Move," and Tone Loc's "Funky Cold Medina." The latter of which was jokingly predicted by yours truly after hearing "Bust A Move." This was all after the DJ promised us some hits from the 90s. I laughed and said...what's next, Funky Cold Medina? Oooohhh...

I already have a bunch of "hits" selected in my mind for my wedding including...

"Fell In Love With A Girl"--The White Stripes
"White Wedding"--Billy Idol
"Seventeen"--Winger
"You Remind Me of Something"--R. Kelly
"Love Bites"--Def Leppard
"Girls Girls Girls"--Motley Crue
"Fuck The Pain Away"--Peaches

2. The Gender Line

Truth be told, my second best friend besides Field Mouse is probably a female as well. However, I can't have her be my "best man" obviously. Well, not only that though but then if Field Mouse and I were to get married, she would have to stick my friend on her list of bridesmaids. And if there was some guy that was a friend of hers then I would have to stick him on my side. Well, that's asinine. I have at least two good female friends that I wouldn't want stuck on her side. I mean they're my friends....

3. The Money

I'm not too excited about shelling out thousands of dollars for a "gem" with an insanely high price artificially created by a fucking cartel with bloody hands. Fuck diamonds. I wouldn't want to marry anybody that placed a lot of emphasis on a ring. Sorry, ladies, I think that shows a tad bit of a self-esteem problem if you want to show off some big-ass shiny rock so you can make all your girlfriends jealous. Just think of how many Botox treatments you could get instead. So that leaves us with some other form of a ring which I'm all for. I just haven't seen anything that I think seems culturally or aesthetically interesting. So I'm kind of stuck on what to do to replace diamonds. Maybe DeBeers has won.

Then there's how much the wedding actually costs. There is no way in hell I am inviting anybody that I haven't spoken to in over a year. That officially disinvites all extended family. I think it works out for both of us. You don't have to buy us a gift (well, I'll get to that later anyway) and we don't have to awkwardly tell you how happy we are that you showed up.

4. The Wedding Registry

I am entirely and fervently against Wedding Registries. I think they're tremendously tacky. Buy me X items of this. Gross. Doesn't anyone else think this is tacky? Why is this only allowed for weddings? I have actually seen this registry thing catch on for other gift occasions such as birthdays and Christmas. They just change the name of it to a "Wish List." I can understand why people have them. I've heard the arguments...multiple toasters, China sets...voluminous repetitive crap.

Here's the deal...I don't really want presents. Yes, I must be an official member of the United States Society of Misanthropes. I would rather people just came and had a good time or decide to give some money to charity or something. I really don't need a state of the art cooking set or a really nice duvet cover. I'm a bit more humble than that...and trust me, it's not that I don't enjoy nice things. I just don't feel the need to request them.

5. Religion

As time goes on, I have gotten less and less religious. I suppose at this point that I would be termed an agnostic. I entertain the possibility of a deity and I leave it at that. I was raised Catholic. So was Field Mouse. Field Mouse is still Catholic. Although we both tend to disagree with the Church on a lot of issues, she has remained faithful, while I have not. So I would prefer not to have a religious wedding. I don't want to go through spritual counseling before marriage where I am asked questions regarding my feelings about God or whether I would raise my children Catholic...blah blah blah. I enter into religious discussions as a skeptic. I don't think by the end of our sessions that I would get the ol' blessing from Father Sweeney to get the blessed sacrament of marriage. So what the hell do I do about that?

6. Family Pressure

Since I am such a traditionalist, haha, there is going to be tremendous pressure from family members to do things "right." There will be tremendous anger if I don't. Threats of absences from the wedding, blah blah blah. To be honest I would most likely say "well, maybe we'll have a tape made and you can watch it later." I'm pretty stubborn about a lot of this. I really don't want to hate my own wedding. That's sick.

So what would I like?

A bunch of friends and family go up to Vermont. We rent a big property on some nice land. We have a big-ass barbecue with volleyball and other activities going on and a nice outside ceremony. So it turns into a weekend event of relaxing and having fun. A good time without formality and horrible tradition that continues only because people are so lazy to think for themselves. No smushing cake into people's faces...definitely no kissing from clinking of glasses...no first dance...no hiearchical bullshit seating. Just regular people getting together to celebrate.

Thinkthink

Field Mouse and I are having a housewarming party this weekend. I created an interesting and witty invite to all using Evite. Almost everybody has viewed the invite already but only about two or three people have responded in any form.

What's up with that? I hate that shit. Either put down that you're coming or not so I can be saved from complete embarrassment if only like...three people show up. At least you don't have beer for 30 and you keep telling people..."Yeah...I mean I'm pretty sure other people are coming...ummm(check watch)...anytime now..."

Tomorrow I should have DSL. Oh, the places I will go.

I was going to try to make this into a more interesting entry...but I'm lacking inspiration.

The Onion Hits It Up NYC-Style

I missed this the first time around. It's the Onion's Infographic on how Bloomberg plans on cutting the budget. Here's the funniest one...a nice in-the-know submission:

Running two F trains per day, cutting line's service in half.

Boy, am I glad to be off that line.

Dirty Pleasure

Star wars home video. First check out the uncut version here. Then check out the remix. The remix is delightful.

I Was Thinking About This

In an effort to get the ol' bloggin' stream running again, I've decided to put together this group of completely unmatched thoughts together.

The other day when I was bored at lunchtime I mosied over to the local (well, Canadian) music superstore and I bought the new records from The White Stripesand The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. What a dirty dirtball I am. On first blush I think that the White Stripes record is borderline pretentious and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs record is...fun. There you go. That's my insight. The first time I saw YYY live I thought that Karen O. was really a cheap low rent version of Polly Jean Harvey. To a certain extent I still do. Sometimes I don't understand why PJ Harvey doesn't get more credit as an influential band. I saw them once at the Hammerstein Ballroom and she was amazing.

A rodent of some sort was running loose at the Seventh Avenue Q stop this morning. Several ladies jumped out of the way on tippie-toes. I held my ground and stared down the sonovabitch before it scurried away under a bench. Pussy.

I have established a love/hate relationship with poppyseed bagels. I love the crunch, I love the flavor, I hate the ten minutes spent in the bathroom trying to get all the poppies out of my teeth.

Holy shit. My hometown of Dedham, Massachusetts made the New York Times. From this story you'd think it was like...Newton or something.

Dial-up internet access sucks. I tried to install my DSL today but was stopped in my tracks by the realization that it hadn't yet been setup by Verizon yet on my line...so...well...I got nothin'.

Local news sucks. Since I've always had cable here I haven't really sat down and watched a bunch of newscasts. Either I could find out something that just might save my life or my kids are in some sort of danger. Sometimes...it's both. I also found out that my CBS affiliate has a weatherman named Storm Field. No shit.

John Cusack's new film Identity kicks ass. It's scary as hell and a whole lot of fun. On the other hand, Colin Farrell's Phone Booth was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It's up there with Hardware (Holy shit...Dylan McDermott was in that movie?? And he still has a career?), Robin Hood: Men In Tights and Joe Versus The Volcano. Okay...so it's not Battlefield Earth. But it did suck.

Field Mouse and I are going to Florida for a weekend in a few weeks. We're taking my favorite airline, Jet Blue. I love that television. There's something completely satisfying about being able to watch a sporting event live while flying. It makes flying seem like less of a chore. Aaahhh...if only other airlines could figure out that no one really wants their shitty meals anyway and spend their money wisely. Maybe the government wouldn't have to bail their asses out anymore.

Almost Home

We only have a few boxes left to unpack. I've discovered that I have a really big living room and that the area near the windows is downright filthy.

I have pegged the previous tenants as dumb 70s era punk rockers. Or at least people who were happy with filth. Apparently some sort of family with a baby lived here recently. A bunch of the cabinets are childproofed...and thus Huffer-proofed. I made quick use of a screwdriver to take down all of them. They were driving me crazy.

I can't wait until I have some time off to really look around the neighborhood. This is the first time I have moved while working. It's really difficult to do anything besides unpack at this point. In a way I'm a bit happy that I don't have high-speed internet access or cable right now. It's really simplified my life. It used to take me a lot longer to get ready in the morning for work because I looked a bunch of sites on the internet before doing just about anything. My morning paper and coffee of sorts. Now after I exit the shower there's really nothing to do but get dressed.

Field Mouse and I are going to a wedding this weekend. Really doesn't leave us with much time to get everything together.

Inspector Gadget

Go-go Gadget arm!